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In Honour of Kristopher's 2nd Birthday..
"Some People Only Dream Of Angels. But We Held Him In Our Arms."
"There are only two ways to live your life: One Is As Though Nothing is a Miracle;
Here is a special place to visit, ~written for kristopher by Terralynn Verge~
His Tiny Hand Has Touched Our Lives Forever
Jesus said,
This memorial website was created in the memory of our loved baby, Kristopher Verge who was Born in Canada on November 25, 2006 - with a cradle of wings.
My child may have been small,
The Road to Completing our Family has been long and winding..Yet I continue to feel the need to keep on walking it. Through the storms, barriers, brick walls I continue to climb. I persevere..Because my need to hold another child has not been fulfilled. Even though I face many more hurdles..I hurt, I cry, I am..I just wish the world could understand how it feels to be an infertile woman in a fertile world. Pray for us as we continue our journey.
  No Mother Ever Should..
~terralynn verge~ At one time you know there was another little boy who briefly touched my life.. I saw him for just a moment... But the love I felt is always there in my heart for him. The child we lost. Please don’t tell me not to cry. For have you lost a child too?? That is the only way you could feel the pain I live each day with the loss of my unborn child... He may have been tiny I know... But he was perfect to me... His fingers, his feet, his perfect ears, his perfect yet broken body, Will forever be the source of my tears... Even the strongest of men could not have battled the war of emotion I have fought these past months. The pain never ends. The ache, and the longing, for a child that was so swiftly stolen from my life. The one who is missing from our family pictures hanging on the wall, So please do not be unkind, Don’t try to tell me how I should feel if you have not gone through the loss of a child… You cannot understand this unbearable pain in my heart. And I would prefer if you not try... Do you know how our family celebrates his life This little child who never came to be It all feels like a cruel joke to me now That God would taunt me with this immeasurable love And then take my child from me.. I will never heal from that trauma. I know it would make You feel better if I could. But looking down upon my broken little boy.. And the helplessness I felt for my child, who may have suffered, and fought for life. It is not the way life is supposed to go.. I should die first.. Then my babies.. What a cruel experience I and other mothers have had to endure these past months.. It makes it even crueler to know that behind my back I hear the whispers of people wanting me to forget To Stop crying and move on.. As if this life I carried and felt move in my womb never existed.. You expect that in 12 short monthes.. I should be over it I still cannot hold fully the joy of life that I lost at the moment of his birth..I am sorry But Life has changed for me Cant you understand.. That you never forget your child..Be it alive or dead.. The love never ends.. He should be here now. His Birthday has arrived. Its official he would definitely be in my arms. I hope you never have to experience the reality that I have been forced to face. The reality that my little boy, will never come home to me. Will never feel the warmth of my touch again, And will always and forever be the source of my sadness. I am glad that you cannot understand- Because no mother ever should.  If You Were With Me Now Terralynn Verge (copyright 2008) I know if you were with me now, you would tell me, “Don’t Be Sad”. That you were blessed to enter this world, with a loving Mom and Dad. I know if you were with me now, you would kiss my cheek tonight. You’d point towards the darkened sky, toward the stars so bright. I know if you were with me now you’d say, “Thank You Mommy, for holding me as I left this world, and for all those tears for me.” I know if you were with me now, I would ask for you to stay To bless me all throughout my life, and never turn away. I know if you were with me now, you’d be so beautiful. I’d hold you close within my arms, and never let you go. I know if you were with me now, my world would feel complete. I’d have no memory of your loss, or of this bitter grief. I know if you were with me now, the world would love you too. And finally understand the love, I've kept inside my heart for you. I know if you were with me now, you’d tell me, “Please don’t grieve! My life is filled with joy, not tears, I’ll wait for you mommy.” When you were here within my arms, I did not understand, That forever you’d walk beside me, holding out your tiny hand. When you were here within my arms, I learned so much from you. You restored my faith, and lifted my soul, just by letting me love you too. I know if you were with me now you’d tell me, “Please be strong! There is so much Joy you have left to live. Don’t think of me as gone.” I know that you’re still with me now; I feel you everyday, So I look to God, and bear my grief, because I know that you’re ok.             Happy 1st Birthday
~mommy (Terralynn) One long year has come, and gone, since we lost a precious life. One small heart stopped beating, as she slept sound through the night. One proud mother's dreams shattered, in an instant frozen in time. One sad father left holding his wife, as she cries late into the night. Two small boys, left wondering why mommy and daddy are sad today. Two sisters sit in silence, wishing he could have stayed. We think of you every moment, and tears still fill our eyes. We wish that you were with us now, and that you had survived. A normal day to everyone else; they wonder why we grieve. A special day to the ones, who love you, It's the day we set you free! Happy 1st Birthday Our Little Angel Kristopher We Miss You Always Kristopher Owen Randolph November 25th 2006 2:30AM         Angel Baby A heartbeat falls silent. Tiny eyes close. A miniature body no longer grows. Mommy is shattered. Daddy is sad. Fate has erased the plans that they had. Through all of the grief that leaves their hearts torn, there's peace in knowing an angel was born !!     Please View Our Slideshow At the Bottom Of the Page  Our Tiny Angel Terralynn Verge I’m Just a tiny angel who flew straight to your arms, I didn’t know how much I’d learn, while sleeping near your heart. I came to learn a lesson, this I know is true, For I never knew what love was until I came to you. You held me so lovingly within your gentle arms, I didn’t know those moments, would surely break your heart. I felt the warmth around me as you held me tenderly, I felt your tears upon me, when you had to set me free. I was carried by the angels to God’s kingdom far away, And forever in my mind and heart, your love for me has stayed. Please don’t doubt your love for me or think I do not know, For wherever in this life you lead me, I will surely go. I’m near you as you sleep at night. I hold you as you cry. I hear you as you talk to me, and sing me lullabies. I’m just a tiny angel who flew straight to your arms And even though you can’t see me now… I’m never very far. I wrote this for Kristophers Due Date with Love from Mommy..Missing you as Always baby boy..    My Perfect, Silent, Little Boy ~Terralynn Verge My tears just keep falling. Long time since he has gone. I’ve been told to just get over it. Pick up, and just move on. If only they felt this empty void, Deep within their souls. Some people, so judgmental, How could they even know? How would they feel if it were their child? Placed silent; in their arms? The only words spoke softly, “It’s a boy” It was so hard I hung my head in silence. I thought that he might cry. I couldn’t give up hope that day, Even after I was told that he had died . My perfect, silent, little boy. So tiny, weak, and small. I cradled him close to my heart. Until it was time to let him go. Tears were streaming down my face, as I passed him on his way. It didn’t dawn on me then, that he wasn't meant to stay. I thought they would bring him back to me, when I said that I must sleep. I guess my mind played tricks on me. It may have been the grief. So those who presume to know my pain, Please leave your voices silent. I know you find it hard to bear. A mother who is not compliant. For rules of etiquette do show, that I must just pretend. That the pain that I am feeling in my heart, Will someday soon just end . And one day soon I shall have a child, which you think, will replace. My perfect, silent, little boy, which I lost back on that day. Those who have been on this road, I know you understand . That all this pain in our hearts, will never leave again. We think of our little angels, each, and everyday. And although we learn to handle the pain, it never truly goes away.  Just One Week.. Terralynn Verge Just one week to go my son, You should be in my arms. Just one week, Before the pain opens up this heart. May 3rd, Should have been your birthday, But it never came to be. The love we shared between us lost, This is such a tragedy. I think of you with tear filled eyes, When I think you should be here. I promise to remember you throughout these coming years. I know this day will come and go, And I must travel through the grief. Think of us my angel, For again we all shall meet. I miss you so much baby boy, I wish you could have stayed. Forever in my loving arms, Instead of in your grave. But if I were asked to walk this road from beginning until end, I would do it all over just to hold you once again.    Kristopher, There is not a moment goes by, I don't think of you, There is not a day goes by a tear doesnt fall for you, There will never be a time that I could forget you. Always a part of me, Always Loved, Always Remembered, Mommy and Daddy (Terralynn Verge)   Some Special Little Boys Who Miss You..
 Our Little Brother In The Golden Streets Of Heaven As The Happy Children Play Gentle Jesus Watches O're them Caring For them Day to Day We May Find Comfort Knowing In Our Fathers Home Above Our Brother Is happy In The Sweetness Of his Love  You have the most loving big brothers a person can have..Kaleb talks about you always and how he misses you..I am so glad he got to hear your heart beating and saw your ultrasound pictures to know you really existed..I bet you are fluttering around them in as they play..They Miss you Baby Boy..xo         It is so Nice to Know There Can Still be Kindness...Your Support I also want to make a mention to Patti Walker with ParentCare Support Society, and Cindy amd Volunteers of Angel Whispers Support group. Also the MSN online Baby Loss Support Group..And all the parents I have befriended along the way..Without you guys..I dont know if I could ever make it through this alone..You are the only lifeline I have had to feel comfortable and express my pain..Thank you for being Angels On earth for us..And for becoming such dear friends when I needed support..I know that Kristopher sent you guys to me to hold me up when he left...Your babies must be so proud of their moms..We know what their purpose was..They have touched so many of us through you..Sarah Blakeway is Joshua's mommy..Thank you with all my heart for all the wonderful graphics..and Lecia McKenzies Mom for caring and creating graphics for Kristopher..You make your angels so proud..   Our Little Kristopher, Our Gift From God Each Life is Indeed A Gift No Matter How Short No Matter How Fragile Each Life Is Indeed A Gift TO Be Held In Our Hearts Forever   Happy Birthday Kristopher!! May 3rd 2007- Your Due Date The Day You Should Have Been In Our Arms     Could Have Been... Terralynn Verge I miss the sparkle in your eyes.. I will Never See I miss the Tall Strong Man.. You will Never be I miss the joys of childhood.. You will never feel I miss the memories.. I can no longer steal There are so many things I miss about you! I miss the love we could have shared.. till MY LIFE is through. I miss the bond we have.. That must come to an end I miss you so much, Kristopher.. Will I ever see you again? It should be YOU .. Missing ME I miss all of the things that could have been.... But Will Never BE!! Missing you my angel Mommy   There Was A Time Terralynn Verge There was a time... before today You were with me... here to stay There was a time before this week, You were mine to hold, and keep. There was a time in days of old, I felt you kick, and dance, and roll. There was a time I felt OK, Never to think I would see today. Without your love, to envelop me, Without your smile, I cannot breath. There was a time... But that was then... Now Im left Here to grieve your death. My Heart is broken, I miss you dear... There was a time I held you near. There was a time.. Kristopher   Your Cries Were Never Heard Terralynn Verge Your cries were never heard. Your smiles were never seen. Your laughter never echoed within these walls. You came into my arms in silence. Yet, without any of these things being seen, Your love was always there... Surrounding me, and my heart, for eternity... My son, As you grew within me, So did a bond between us, A love that cannot be measured. Between a mother, and her child. Your love, was like a beacon that lit my soul. Your life, was like a new beginning. You Still Live On In Me! Instead you cry through my tears... You smile through my smile... And your laughter... It echoes within the walls of my heart. Yet, Sometimes late at night... I wish your cries could be heard.     Memories Of You Terralynn Verge Today I took a jaunt downstairs to look for summer shoes. But when I got down there.. instead I thought of you. For there in that dusty basement, I didn’t have a clue. That there were unopened boxes of the gifts I’d bought for you. I dreamed of your baby bathtub filled with water, and baby charms. A baby seat I will never get to lay you in from my arms. I dreamt of wishful thinking.. Of bringing you to me, And then the pain came back into my heart… For these dreams that I will never see. I took a walk down memory lane and saw your bassinet, Thinking of the moments I looked forward to placing you in it. But that was yesterday, and instead they're still in boxes on the floor And in my heart I wished you were here, so I could have gotten more My heart it aches to hold you.. My mind knows that you’re gone.. My soul will never let you go..To hard to just move on. Love Always Mommy   Image of The Angels Terralynn Verge You were made in the image of the angels, and all that was good up above. A precious little star in the dark night, Made with God's care, and with his love. The day you were born he couldnt lose you, For you were far to beautiful for earth. He made a home by his side up in heaven, You were taken by the hand before birth. You said, "I must not go and leave my Mommy!" God said , "There is something that I must let you see. Can You See that light shining down upon your mother? She has a part of you for all eternity. She will soon be in heaven here with you, Come now lets go prepare her home. For when the time comes for her to see you again, She will realize that she was never left alone." Written by Terralynn Verge For Kristopher and all Of Our Little Angels In Heaven   Missing… Terralynn Verge We are missing someone from our family Although you may not see There is a little boy missing That should be sitting next to me You can’t understand what I am saying For yours are all at home You cannot feel the pain I feel For yours will soon be grown My son will never be grown to me He will always be my babe But I could never forget the child That isn’t here today    My Little Boy… Terralynn Verge My little boy, my pride and joy, Dwelling up above. It seems so long, since I was able to give you all my love. The time went fast, And here we are 4 months since you were born. But even now, though I don’t cry, My heart will always mourn. It mourns the child you would have been. The one I know you’d be. Playing with your brothers, part of our family. Nothing will ever bring you back. No way to forget that day. Your time was short… My time is long… Missing you each day…   My Prayer Terralynn Verge Keep my baby safe today; I know he’s in your arms. Let the angels kiss his head, and keep him safe from harm. Tell him that I love him still, and I’m never far away. Let him know Ill be there soon; we will meet again that day. Let him hear me sing to him; lullabies so sweet. Let him be here with me, the nights I cannot sleep. Give me signs that he’s OK as I walk this life alone. Give me strength to carry on until you call me home.    Remembering you.. Kristopher Is it difficult for me to remember those few moments you were with me? Do tears still fill my eyes? As I think about the positive pregnancy test, the tears of joy, and the morning sickness, which made me happy because I knew it meant you were with me alive, and safe. Do I still feel pain as I look at your first ultrasound picture? Where we saw your heart beating strong, and instantly fell in love with you? Do I flashback to happier days? When Kaleb was able to hear your heart beating through the doppler, and realized there was indeed a little life in mommys tummy? Your first movements made me smile and rub my tummy. Did you hear me when we had our conversations late at night? Or did you just feel a gentle nudge, as I rubbed my belly playing with you? So Many Beautiful memories. Why am I so selfish to want so many more to treasure with you. You pop into my mind at the most awkward times lately. The face of a new baby boy being cradled at the mall... Baby clothes hanging on a rack... A commercial that brings me to tears...Your Brother's Giggling together..This reminds me that you are missing from us. And Your baby book.. which still lies on my dresser surrounded by dust. I had to put it away today to shield myself from the knowledge that its pages will never be finished You make me smile, You make me cry, You have brought me so much joy, And my life has been wracked with the pain of losing you. My son, my little boy, my love You are a brother too! Did you even know that yet? Your big brother Kaleb cries for you too. It breaks my heart that you were not able to see how very loved you are my precious boy. We miss you so much, all of our hearts have been broken. Your big brother Kaleb, broke down crying yesterday. We were just driving down the road. He told me, "Mommy I miss Kristopher!" What should I tell him for you? He is just a child himself, unable to grasp the complicated aspects of death. Do I tell him you are still in his heart? Do I tell him you loved him too? Do I tell him we will all be reunited someday? Because this is what came to mind as I hugged him through his tears. Should I tell him that mommy misses you too... That even I am not aware of why these things happen. Even I, Mommy, do not have any answers to the difficult question of WHY? Am I not a good mother who loves her children, and protects them come what may? Yet, I cannot shield them from this catostrophic experience we have had with loving and losing you. I can just love them too. And reassure them that you are still with us.. Silently, wiping their tears as they cry for you. Loving them as they love you. You are brothers, an amazing bond, that will never be broken Even with death! Mommy will always love her little boys. And it breaks my heart to have one missing from my life. There is an emptiness in my heart that will never be filled. A Kristopher shaped hole forever etched there for life. I thought of you again today But that is nothing new I Will think of you everyday Untill my life is through Always loving you, Mommy    The Loss of My Child Terralynn Verge The loss of My child Left a hole in my heart A pain that wont leave While we're apart The loss of My child Cannot be explained I felt dead inside Things were never the same I wake up, carry on, Live day to day Try to pick up the pieces Since he's been taken away He grew in my body He lives on in my soul The love that I feel for him No one could know His time may have been short But it was time spent as one The Love of a Mother And her Unborn Son So take all your advice And leave it unsaid I know you mean well I know what you've read But the loss of my child Cannot be explained Unless you held a child in your arms That you wished back again Written In Memory of Kristopher and all The Moms of Little Angels In Heaven    Daddy Terralynn Verge You know I am your baby Although I dwell above I am held in the arms of angels And protected by His love I watch you as your sleeping I kiss your weary head I wrap my wings around you And I am with you once again Despite all you’ve read Daddy There is a heaven up above And in the fields of heaven To the angels is where I run They guide me as you would do They hold me when I cry They kiss me and they hug me And they sing me lullabies Jesus has a rocking chair And there is where I sleep Wrapped in a blanket of pure love Until again we meet I miss you so much Daddy I wish that we could play And you could watch me giggle I wish I could have stayed I know you watch over mommy And wipe away her tears I know you won’t forget me Throughout The Coming years I walk beside you all day long I watch you work most days I giggle at the fun you have with my brothers But it’s ok Don’t worry I know you love me And I know if I were there You’d do the same for your baby boy And wipe away my tears I’ll always be there with you Although you may not know Though heaven is my playground now I’ll always miss you so Love Kristopher Your Little Boy in Heaven Is With You Today   If You Wish to Donate Funds In Kristopher's Memory.. Our Charity of Choice is the March Of Dimes. To View Each Of Our Son's Bands on the March Of Dimes Site. The Links Are Below. Make The Premature Birth Epidemic A Part Of History. We donated shortly after we lost Kristopher. We Plan to Continue to donate on Each of Kristopher's Anniversarys. Kristopher's Link to Donation Band  Bands For Our Other Preemie Boys http://www.marchofdimes.com/prematurity/b.asp?band_id=35289 http://www.marchofdimes.com/prematurity/b.asp?band_id=35293   Visit Some Other Beautiful Angels www.gabbygraceraymer.com http://inmemoryofmicahcorrinking.com/ ttp://www.daniel-annabeth.memory-of.com/ http://luca-troncoso.memory-of.com/ http://patrickjayclark.memory-of.com/ http://vanessa-barnai.memory-of.com/ http://heavens-angel-nevaeh.memory-of.com/ http://vanessa-lane.memory-of.com/ http://kayleeroseconlon.memory-of.com/ http://finlay-acton.memory-of.com/ http://lucasowenblankenship.memory-of.com/ http://caleb-brook.memory-of.com/ http://dylan-lee-cromptom.memory-of.com/ http://aaron-and-ethan.memory-of.com/ http://amyah-lambkins.memory-of.com/ http://daekaris-light.memory-of.com/ http://kelsey-briggs.memory-of.com/ http://joshua-blakeway.memory-of.com/ http://jace-means.memory-of.com/ http://olivia-young.memory-of.com/ http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/m/mckenzie2000/ http://max-haywood.memory-of.com/ http://emelou-busch.memory-of.com/ http://sarah-piercey.memory-of.com/ http://kyan-alltop.memory-of.com/ http://baby-declan-forever.piczo.com/ http://ariannahs-cloud.tripod.com/ http://hannah-kirchner.memory-of.com/ http://www.siobhan-bryantmillar.memory-of.com/ http://kinsey-and-kylee-sullivan.memory-of.com/ http://julia-ann-corliss.memory-of.com/ http://emalee-rain-galamore.memory-of.com/ http://addison-short.memory-of.com/ http://matthew-beeler.memory-of.com/ http://hendryxaustynragle.memory-of.com/  This graphic was a present from Joshua Blakeway's Mommy.... Kristopher says Thank You..xo  To all of those Who have Been Touched By Angels... Feel Free To email Me with your Baby's Webpage To Add To Kristopher's Site  Thank you Sarah..Josh's Mommy This Website Has Been Made For The Love Of Kristopher  Kristopher  "Mommy Held Your Hand, for Just a Little While, But I Will Hold You In My Heart Forever."    PLEASE LIGHT A CANDLE IN MEMORY OF OUR ANGEL KRISTOPHER       An Angel Never Dies (unknown)  Don’t let them say I wasn’t born, that something stopped my heart. I felt each tender squeeze you gave, I loved you from the start. Although my body you cannot hold, it doesn’t mean I’m gone, This world was not worthy of me; God chose that I move on. I know the pain that drowns your soul, what you are forced to face, You have my word, I’ll fill your arms, someday we will embrace. You’ll hear that it wasn’t “meant to be, God doesn’t make mistakes”, But that won’t soften your worst blow, or make your heart not ache. I’m watching over all you do, another child you’ll bear, Believe me when I say to you, that I am always there. There’ll come a time, I promise you, when you will hold my hand, Stroke my face, and kiss my lips, and then you’ll understand. Although I’ve never breathed your air, or gazed into your eyes, That doesn’t mean I never “was”; an angel never dies.   KRISTOPHER'S STORY- AN ANGEL IS BORN  Kristopher is forever loved, and never to be forgotten, while his mommy walks this earth without him. He died at approximately 18 weeks gestational, when his heart unexpectedly stopped beating . I found out during a normal checkup. It was confirmed when I saw his lifeless little body during an ultrasound an hour later. My doctor checked my cervix. I had complained of mild cramping that day, and he didn't see any dilation, or signs of anything wrong. He measured my stomach, which was measuring where is was supposed to be. So I contributed my fears to pregnancy jitters, as my other two sons were premature, and I was nervous it was happening again. But then the unthinkable happened to us. I have never cried such tears of emmense loss in my life, and hope never to again. There is no feeling that can compare to a loss of your child. Your hopes and dreams, lie in the tiny heartbeat that beats within you, just 5 weeks after you concieve your child. The horror and emmense shock I felt when those horrible words were spoken. "It seems your baby's heart has stopped beating, Im Sorry. There is nothing we can do." First I screamed out with the shear grief. Than my mind went into a state of complete shock, for the rest of the next few horrifying days. How could he be gone? I thought I just felt him move!! We had an ultrasound at 7 weeks, everything was fine. I had just heard his heartbeat at the doctor's office about a week previous. I thought getting over this would be an easier process, than what I have gone through. I figured a few weeks, and I will be myself again. It was just the beginning of a very difficult journey of healing. I recieved a call the day after my checkup from my doctor asking what I wanted to do ?? Did I want to let my baby come to me naturally ? (Which could take weeks) Or should we induce the labour?? I was so torn. I remember that night sleeping and holding on to my stomach and rubbing it talking to him. I knew he was still in there close to my heart. Even if his heart was no longer beating. How was I supposed to let go? I decided I was walking around like a tomb for my unborn child, that I would want this to end. He had to be put to rest. The torment, and the pain, were unbearable. I didn't want him to leave me. But, I could not go on with people coming up to me, and asking when I was due . It tore my heart out when I was asked, and theirs I am sure when I responded, "My baby has died!!" I looked all of full term on this baby, as he was my third child. After 2 years of infertility drugs, and emotional rollercoasters, our prayers had been answered. I wanted this baby so much ! I kept thinking why is this happening to us? It must be all a bad dream ! I am going to wake up, and he will be alive again ! I went to the hospital on November 24th 2006. The nurses looked at me solemnly, and said they had been expecting me. I smiled a false smile when they asked how I was. And then, the shock wore off long enough for me to collapse on the bed. As if I had lost my strength, and the legs from under me . And a wave of grief made me cry out in pain. Like someone was stabbing me in the chest. I could not breath !! I could not make him leave my body, if he wasnt ready!! How could I do this to my child !! What if he is alive, and they made a mistake? The nurse kindly touched my shoulder, and told me how sorry she was. They checked my blood pressure. It was through the roof, and she contributed it to the shock, and emotional turmoil I was experiencing. I calmed down, and began the journey of labouring for a dead child . The pain was worse than giving birth to my second son. Who was born at 7lb 8oz at 35 weeks. I had to endure it, without a glimmer of hope, of holding my baby, and rocking him to sleep alive. For he would be born asleep. Never to cry, or know the grief that was overtaking me in those moments  (Kristopher's Birth Announcement) Created by Portraits By Dana Seven hours of intense labour, and many tears later. An Angel Named Kristopher Owen Randolph |
